Fathering at a distance in the military: techniques for presence and emotion work among Canadian Armed Forces fathers

Abstract: Introduction: Military fathers aspire to be active and engaged parents, but deployments may make this difficult to accomplish. Men turn to techniques of creating presence at a distance so they can continue to father. Understanding men’s experiences of fathering at a distance demonstrates how men manage work-life conflict and contributes to the sociological study of fathering in its own right. Methods: Ethnographically informed qualitative interviews were conducted with 13 Canadian Armed Forces personnel and 15 civilian spouses. Results: Fathers used techniques related to pre-planning for connecting during separations, using objects to create presence by proxy and being intentional with talk during direct communication. Mothers supported fathering at a distance by encouraging children to keep fathers in mind, as well as providing logistical support that enabled communication. Special occasions were one area in which absences were keenly noted, and fathers could not participate in everyday decision making. Military men undertook emotion work to keep family and work separate during deployments. Discussion: The findings contribute to an understanding of how men navigate ideals of involved fathering within the constraints of work that requires frequent and sustained absences. Making presence work explicit and detailing specific techniques for creating presence can encourage military fathers to be more intentional in preparing for fathering at a distance during deployments. This, in turn, may help alleviate some tension between military and family life.

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