Beyond the ‘Knock on the Door’: Evidence on Experiences of Bereaved Military Families

When a uniformed officer appears at the door, time stops. For the families of the fallen, whether through combat, accident, illness, or suicide, that moment marks not only the loss of a loved one, but an abrupt shift into a new, sometimes isolating identity: that of the bereaved military family. Indeed, the bereaved military population often finds itself in a distinctive position as deaths of military personnel can often be sudden and traumatic [1,2].  The loss may subsequently cause traumatic grief, which can negatively affect both mental and physical health and lead to an intense, prolonged, and difficult mourning process [1].

In the following article, we summarise what is understood about the unique experiences of the military bereaved community, consider whether current policy and support provision are meeting their needs, and identify gaps in research, policy, and support that need to be addressed.

Unique challenges

While the exact size of the UK military bereaved community is unknown, available estimates made in 2025 show that around 95 Serving personnel die each year, leaving behind approximately 250 family members, including parents, siblings, children, spouses and partners [3]. Each year, the deaths of approximately 3,160 Veterans under the age of 65 affect some 11,000 family members who are left mourning their loved ones [3]. According to Ministry of Defence (MoD) figures, there were 9,147 widow/ers in receipt of a war pension as of 31 March 2025, but the actual number of military widow/ers in the UK is believed to be far greater and the true size of this population is unknown [4,5].

In addition to the loss of a loved one, bereaved military families face a range of unique challenges. Some of the most immediate changes include the potential loss of the military community, Service Family Accommodation, and Defence Medical Services. The grieving period is further compounded by a myriad of other factors specific to the military community, including potential media interest, impact of Service inquiries and inquests, and administrative tasks [2,3,6]. Unlike civilians, military bereaved families face unique reminders of their loss during remembrance days, public anniversaries, and other events that can lead to further difficulties for the bereaved [3,6]. Lastly, bereaved military families face many additional administrative tasks compared to their civilian counterparts [1]. For individuals grieving the loss of a loved one, the complexity of navigating bureaucracy can feel particularly overwhelming [6].

Impact on relationships

Besides the many practical challenges, bereaved family member’s relationships usually undergo significant changes. As a military spouse or partner, a bereaved individual can turn to a distinctive and supportive community for help and understanding [4]. However, losing access to that community is one of the most underestimated impacts of bereavement [6]. Existing research reveals a mix of positive and negative experiences: some bereaved individuals value maintaining their connection with the military community, while others report losing access to it or even feeling a sense of betrayal [4,7,8,9]. According to one study, many of the bereaved families spoke positively of their strong bond with the military units which served as a source of comfort [7]. Other evidence highlights the loss of military connections, for example due to the need to relocate away from the military community [7]. Many feel particularly abandoned by their military family after the funeral and the end of statutory support from the MoD [7].

In addition to the potential loss of the military community, bereaved individuals may also experience changes in their family relationships. The grieving process affects not only the spouse or partner, but also their relationships with family and friends, particularly their children and the deceased person’s relatives [2,7]. In terms of friendships, widow/ers may experience changes in their relationships as some receive fewer invitations to social occasions and some report how their friends were unsure how to react or support them and began to avoid them [7,8].

As a result, it is suggested the bereaved face an increased likelihood of loneliness and social isolation, although existing evidence shows contradictory findings. While some studies demonstrated that military widow/ers experienced lower levels of loneliness, other evidence showed fluctuations over time [4]. Moreover, existing evidence suggests that the experiences of loneliness have not changed over the past 60 years, suggesting that policy changes had no impact in this area [8]. Overall, it seems likely that the experience is highly individual [4,8].  

Beyond the Widow/er

Existing evidence suggests it is important to pay attention to family members other than the widow/er. The deceased may come from a range of family structures, including parents, especially where the deceased did not have a spouse or partner, and where children are from different relationships or stepparents [6]. While existing evidence suggests that younger widows are satisfied with the level of support they receive and this perception has improved in recent years, other members of the bereaved community do not necessarily gain the same amount of support [6]. More specifically, children of the deceased represent a particularly vulnerable group [1].

Available research indicates that military children who lose a parent show increased anxiety, depression and behavioural issues [6]. While some support exists, such as through the crucial work of organisations like Scotty’s Little Soldiers, the availability and awareness of access to support for bereaved children may mean not all are able to receive the support they might need [2]. Moreover, notifying children of the death is a significant challenge and evidence has shown that excluding children from funeral planning leads to higher likelihood of children presenting with anger, regret, hurt, and frustration in later years [2,7]. Lastly, children bereaved by parental suicide face further risk of mental health difficulties and may struggle with stigma among their friends [6].

Between lived experience, policy, and support

The recent Scottish Veteran Commissioner’s report, details developments in policy aiming to provide support to the bereaved military community in the UK [6]. Notably, The Armed Forces Covenant, a statement of moral obligation by the nation to members of the Armed Forces community in return for the sacrifices they make, published and enshrined in law in 2011, includes the bereaved [10]. Moreover, a commitment to support the bereaved community was specifically included within ‘A Strategy for our Veterans’ published in 2018, with a continued commitment to developing holistic initiatives for the whole of the Armed Forces community, including the bereaved, made in the 2025 ‘Veterans Strategy’ [11,12].

Some of the existing statutory support tools include:

• Joint Casualty and Compassion Policy and Procedures: A document that is made available to bereaved families, outlining procedures in place following a sudden death of a member of the Armed Forces and the support package families can expect to receive.
• The Purple Pack: A resource which provides information on practical arrangements, as well as further signposting to tailored support services, but is designed specifically for those bereaved during Service.
• Visits by Visiting Officers (VO): VOs are assigned to bereaved families immediately after they are notified of a Service member’s death and their role is to provide initial support with administrative tasks.

Furthermore, additional support offered by some regiments, the Armed Forces Bereavement Scholarship Scheme, and financial grants offered by organisations such as The Royal Logistics Corps, are also available [3]. Additionally, the bereaved can access support offered by the third sector, which includes single Service widow associations, counselling and psychological support, peer networks, and bereavement charities [6].

Recent research suggests that family satisfaction with support received following the death of their loved one has improved over time, and positive developments have been recorded in relation to the provision of financial, administrative, and general support [3]. Research evidence also indicates that the network of support offered by the MoD is reported to ease the burden on the bereaved by offering help with day-to-day tasks that can be overwhelming [2,7,8].

Nevertheless, previous research has highlighted shortcomings of some of the available support, including receiving limited assistance with claiming financial support, insufficient help with moving from military accommodation, and a need for more access to tailored psychological support, [1,2]. Research also indicates that some available support is seen as generalised ‘one-size-fits-all’ despite professionals and bereaved families highlighting the highly personal and individual nature of grief [3]. Overall, the provision of bereavement support remains extremely varied and there is no conclusive evidence to ascertain its effectiveness [8].

Additionally, bereaved families may face unique barriers that make accessing support more difficult. Generally, the bereaved may not come forward for help due to military culture and reluctance to seek help [6]. This hesitance to use support may be particularly fuelled by a perceived hierarchy of death. According to available research, those killed in action are regarded more highly within the Armed Forces community than those who died by illness or accident [3]. Death by suicide is particularly difficult for the bereaved as it reportedly continues to be stigmatised in the Armed Forces [3].

Lastly, despite the predominance of support aimed at widow/ers, many do not engage with available services. One reported barrier is that younger spouses may not identify with the term ‘widow/er,’ seeing it as associated with older people [3,8]. Furthermore, there tends to be confusion around eligibility for support associated with the terms ‘war widow/er’ and ‘military widow/er’ when the deceased was not killed in action [3,8]. Thus, to improve the provision of support to the bereaved, it is necessary to not only increase access and awareness of support to family members beyond the widow/er, but also to consider using more inclusive and clear terminology.

Addressing limitations in mental health support

One area of support that has previously been reported to have considerable shortcomings is the provision of psychological help or counselling [1]. Although existing research has recorded some improvements and increased satisfaction with psychological support, historically access has been limited [1]. Limited access to suitable counselling can lead to overreliance on family and friends and put further strains on the bereaved relationships [7]. The limits of psychological support and counselling are particularly evident for parents and children of the deceased, who have been reported to receive considerably less attention than the partners [1,7].

To address these challenges, the Armed Forces Covenant Fund Trust recently dedicated nearly £2 million to a programme focused on improving mental health and well-being support [13]. The investment, made from the ‘Empowering Bereaved Military Families’ programme, was awarded to Defence Medical Welfare Service which will be tasked with delivering targeted support to bereaved military families. This will include counselling, emotional, and practical care which will support the whole family unit, including children and extended family members.

Areas for Further Research

Considering the somewhat limited existing evidence-base about military bereaved families, further research is necessary to better understand the challenges and experiences of the bereaved and how to best support them. More specifically, some further areas for research identified in the existing literature include [2,3,4]:

• Since existing research targets primarily bereaved widow/ers and partners, future research would benefit from focusing on children and parents of the deceased.
• Understanding the impact of the death of a family member on bereaved families not residing in military accommodation.
• How type of death shapes the support needs of the bereaved, with special focus on death by suicide, due to the associated stigma and sensitivity of the topic.
• Mapping the specific needs, priorities and experiences of bereaved minorities, including religious, ethnic, and LGBT+, and those from Foreign and Commonwealth families.
• Exploring the needs, priorities and experiences of pre-bereaved, such as those whose Serving family member is terminally ill.

Understanding the experiences and needs of the military bereaved community continues to be limited by the lack of research-based evidence, with available literature often showing contradictory results. The mixed findings likely reflect the fact that each individual faces specific sets of challenges in a unique context and deals with grief in their own, individual way. This in turn highlights the need for bespoke support that will take into account individual requirements over the short, medium, and long-term. To allow for effective support of those who lost their loved one, further research, and evaluation of support services, is key.

If you or a loved one has been impacted by military bereavement, support is available. For military bereavement-specific support, SSAFA provide several support groups for bereaved military families. Additionally,  support, information and signposting are available via the Military Widows’ associations for the Army, Royal Navy and Royal Marines, and Royal Air Force and the War Widows association who support bereaved families from all military branches. For bereaved military children, support is available from Scotty’s Little Soldiers. More general bereavement support is available to families via various organisations including Cruse and the National Bereavement Service.

References

[1] Fadeeva, A., Mann, E., McGill, G., Menzfeld, G., W., Moreland, M., Melling, A., & Kiernan, M., D. (2022). Bereaved UK military families: A mixed methods study on the provision of practical and emotional support. Death Studies 47(4), 450-460. Available at: Link

[2] McGill, G., Kiernan, M., Wilson, G., Melling, A., Mann, E., Fadeeva, E., Osborne, A., Moreland, M., McGill, A., & Nicholson, L. (2021). War Widows Knock on the Door: An Exploratory Study of the Experiences of Bereaved Military Families. The Northern Hub for Veteran and Military Family’s Research. Available at: Link

[3] The Armed Forces Covenant Fund Trust. 2025. Research into the needs of the bereaved Armed Forces community. Available at: Link

[4] Johnson, A., Moreland, M., Kiernan, M., D., Collins, T., & Wilson-Menzfeld, G. (2023). Understanding evidence and provision of services around social isolation and loneliness of military widow/ers: A scoping review. PLoS ONE 18(11). Available at: Link

[5] Ministry of Defence. (2025). War Pension Scheme Annual Statistics: 1 April 2015 to 31 March 2025. Available at: Link

[6] Scottish Veterans Commissioner. (2025). Support for the Bereaved Community. Available at: Link

[7] Mcgill, G., Mann, E., Moreland, M., Osborne, A., Kiernan, M., D., & Wilson-Menzfeld, G. (2022). Bereaved Military Families: Relationships and Identity. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 28 (6), 504-521. Available at: Link

[8] Menzfeld, G. W., McGill, G., Moreland, M., Collins, T., Erfani, G., & Johnson, A. (2024). ‘Military Widows’ Experiences of Social Isolation, Loneliness and Unmet Social Needs. Journal of Loss and Trauma 29(8), 1047-1067. Available at: Link

[9] Lester, N. (2019). Reflecting on the Experiences of Bereaved Military Families in the Coroner’s Court. The RUSI Journal 164(4), 22-34. Available at: Link

[10] Brooke-Holland, Louisa and Claire Mills. (2025). The Armed Forces Covenant and its status in law. House of Commons Library. Available at: Link

[11] Ministry of Defence & Cabinet Office. (2018). Strategy for our veterans. GOV.UK. Available at: Link

[12] Office for Veteran’s Affairs & Ministry of Defence. 2025. Veterans Strategy. GOV.UK. Available at: Link

[13] The Armed Forces Covenant Fund Trust. 2025. Empowering Bereaved Armed Forces Families: Transforming Mental health Support Through Partnership. Available at: Link